I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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