Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
