I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
me + whiskey = a bad person
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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