Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
