operation harelip BJ is a go
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
