My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
