I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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