UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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