Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
