Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
