Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
