I want to walk on stilts...naked
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
