You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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