i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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