If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Are we still banned from the library?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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