How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
