so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Randomize
