Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
