absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
