i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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