That's intense
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
