Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
