so explain again why im purple
no
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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