I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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