I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
