i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
