smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
