I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
