the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
