If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
