I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
