how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
