totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
