Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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