Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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