She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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