If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
someone owes me an orgasm
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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