it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
