Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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