She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
