someone get that fucking seahorse.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
