So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
