fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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