I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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