i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
