i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just cropdusted the office
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
