It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
