I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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