If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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