WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
