i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
