New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
