Will you blow on my dice?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just blew my weed a kiss
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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