I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
