hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
