I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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