Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
