So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize