Midget sex pt 2 tonight
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
