we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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