I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I am one with the molecules
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
