Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
